May 8, 2010

• Reshuffle

  I've been achy all week - that savory kind of sore you get after working out a lot. My biceps and (almost) abs are back! I feel like my old self again.

  Partly I keep up the workout because it's addicting. Your body transforms and tones so quickly that you feel compelled to keep up. But also I remember lying about how many pushups I had done in Strenght&Conditioning class. I was working out nearly everyday, sometimes more than once a day, and still I couldn't pushup as much as the guys who were obese and inactive. I lied because I had to be more than just The Girl.

  I'm much more disciplined than Trumon is about exercise, but already he's taller and soon to be stronger than me. Even at my strongest I am still weaker than the weakest male. This isn't about safety - I just won't accept the fact that being a girl means I have to be weaker.

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  I try not to complain about Trumon because my brother is truly awesome and I would hate for anyone to think otherwise. But lately all I've seen of Trumon is his Maple Story addiction and his ability to dodge his chores by using his I'm-your-adorable-only-son powers on the parents to bypass my authority.

  "For every rod of wet bamboo upon the student the teacher deserves two."
  
  The quote is from Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (which is hilarious, if a bit long) but it is nonetheless applicable. Whenever I get angry at Trumon I still beat myself up over it. It must be so awful to have kids. You can't help but take their every action as a measure of your own sucesses and failures.

  It seems like all Trumon wants to do nowadays is be cynical and read manga. I scolded him last week about his excessive computer usage and since then he's rolled his eyes and sighed every time I ask him to do anything. It's crushing. Why do I fail so much as a parent? Why didn't I teach him better? I want to give up sometimes.

  

  Trumon is gone right now for his grade 7 Quebec trip. The flight was 5:30 AM last Saturday. I woke up late in the morning to find this note slipped under my door. I couldn't believe it - it's the sort of sentimental thing I do all the time, but I certainly wouldn't expect it from Trumon. It was nice to know I had been thought of, but I still think I need a break from family at the moment. Though it's awful being the only child to these particular parents, I'm thankful right now for the solitude.

  • 2:40 am
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