October 17, 2010
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Fragile
I hate eating out at Chinese places. I always come back feeling shitty from the MSG, but having dim sum with my grandparents is nonetheless one of our favourite rituals. During the breakfast I am attentive to their every word, feeling useful and purposed as I dutifully fill and refill their teacups. With them I can still pretend I'm every bit the gwai granddaughter the family wanted and raised. I don't get along with my parents or any of the aunts and uncles, so aside from the cousins, my grandparents are the only reason I'm proud of being from this family.
The purity of my increasingly vegan diet is causing me to become more sensitive to the chemical MSG effects, but that's not why I now avoid ethic round table foods. The picture above was taken when Trumon was in kindergarten. That's seven years ago. And while Trumon's been getting bigger and stronger, I can't say the same of the others in the photo.
Grandma's a fighter - no one will deny that after she raised four children and then another four of theirs. Even after winning her battle with cancer she is no less diminished; grandma speaks with the same force and violence required by our language with a voice that only ever chides the people she loves. Never does she give hint about the pills or the pain, and it's easy for me to pretend that things are as they have always been.
But grandpa no longer stands as straight, and he's the one practically being carried everywhere now. Ever since his stroke, his eyes have taken on a blue hue I don't dare ask anyone about, and they don't focus as quickly or as securely when he's talking to people. Grandpa escaped the Communists when he was my age, found a job and carried rice sacks back to his family across the border. It makes no sense why we now treat him like a child when we say things slowly and too cheerfully, how we now walk at accommodating speeds for him on the way back to the car.
I feel like how I felt when Trumon was in the hospital; I didn't want to visit for fear of what I'd find. I don't think of my grandparents as weak and fragile and I don't want reality to change my mind. Grandma and grandpa are actually doing well for people of their age; they're hospital-free for the moment at least. I should be grateful, I should be making the most of the time we have. I shouldn't cry over people who aren't dead. But it scares me when I don't recognize the people I call my own, and I hesitate more and more to pick up the phone.
Comments (10)
aw...it's the path of this temporary road, sweetheart. it's indescribably beautiful and almost too sad to bear.
Noticing people grow old is one of those things that we only notice when we start to grow up as well... and it's absolutely frightening at times.
I have difficulty to understand because the ad hides a part of your text . But nevertheless,I understand you don' t get along with your parents but you love your grandparents . This is sad and I wonder what happened to you .
Who is on the photo above ? I don' t want to be indiscret .
In friendship
Michel
ps : I know, my english is poor !!
Keep on calling them; I'm sure they take much pleasure in those moments.
They've seen so much, and done so much... don't hesitate about that phone. Speak to them... ask them about what they're learned and seen. My grandparents moved on a long time ago, and I wish to God I could've asked them to tell me some of their stories.
I'm currently living with my grandparents while my family is in KL. I didn't get along with my grandma that well before. I can't say we do now but the thing is after my family left because my dad's assignment, they are the ones who are taking care of me. Well, I'm taking care of them too. We've become closer than before. My grandpa is in his early 80s while my grandma in her 70s. I have to say they are very active and healthy for their age. But my grandma gets sick every once in a while. And whenever she says she's not feeling well, I was worried. Sometimes just before I went to bed, I overheard her telling to Grandpa that she was feeling dizzy or cold, I couldn't fall sleep anymore. I thought of things that would make her feel better that she wouldn't be sick anymore but I knew she's just getting old. I became sad at such times and all teary too. I think it's all about the fear but we can't let it get in our way. Regrets only come later. We shouldn't be pushing away and hiding from the people we love just because of that fear. Don't be afraid to show them how much you care. Call them. Spend more time with them. Just remember ... no regrets.
Sorry for my long comment. I got carried away like that very often.
@kyalzinlay - Thanks for your thoughtful comment. Time for us to be brave
@fauquet - Je suis conscient du probleme avec mon blog mais je sais pas comment le réparer désolé! Les gens dans la photo sont mon frère (Trumon) et mes grandparents
Ton anglais est excellent! Stp, écris-moi en français? :) Je n'ai pas assez des chances a pratiquer alors je lisais ton blog pour m’améliorer ^^
RYC : A propos des pommes , cette variété est si bonne qu'on les mange crue . Toutefois la récolte est si abondante qu'on les mange aussi cuites en morceaux ou en compote. C 'est délicieux . La variété de pommes est "Calvilles rouge". Elle se conserve longtemps à la cave et on en mange jusqu'au printemps.
Amitié
Michel
RYC : Ton jeune pommier Wealthy arrivera en Avril ? Tu vis, je pense, dans l'hémisphère sud où Avril c ' est l' automne ! Ici , normalement, on plante les arbres de Novembre à Mars .